Key Scripture:

Ecclesiastes 3:3b – “a time to break down; and a time to build up”

Devotional:

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Sound familiar? According to Proverbs 18 death and life are in the power of the tongue, rendering this childhood saying false.

In the verses leading up to Paul’s writings to husbands and wives, he instructs us to let no corrupting talk come from our mouths. This is written to believers in all seasons, but it is non-negotiable in our marriages. To corrupt is to decay, to wound, to destroy, to bring death. Words have the power to break our spouse down, to convey messages of rejection, disapproval and inadequacy. Science tells us words are so powerful that they can influence how our genes express and control our physical and emotional stress. Words carry power, particularly when they come from the person we love the most.

Instead, Paul says, we are to speak ONLY what is good for building up. Speak what is edifying and brings God glory. This does not mean we avoid hard conversations. In fact, Scripture says to speak truth in love. It does mean we have a choice in which words we use and how we use them. Words that build up empower and give life to both the speaker and the hearer. Our words have the power to bring joy, build confidence, reassure and strengthen our marriage.

God knows the power of words intimately. Creation was built and brought to life by His words. Scripture mentions the power of our words over 120 times because God knew we would need direction and wisdom in how we speak. Not only do we need His help to control our tongues, our words reveal our heart. Matthew 12 says out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. As believers, we speak words that build up our spouse not simply because it is kind, but because it puts on display the power of the gospel within us.

Husbands, you have the power to build your wife up with your words and to answer the question of her heart, “Am I loved,” through the words you use. Consider words like:

“There’s no one I’d rather be married to than you.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Your advice and insight are valuable.”
“I’m proud of you for…”
“Qualities I love about you are…”
“I see Jesus in you through…”

Wives, you have the power to build your husband up with your words and to answer the question of his heart, “Do I have what it takes?” through the words you use. Consider words like:

“I love being your wife.”
“I respect the decision you made.”
“You are so wise.”
“I appreciate how hard you work to provide for us.”
“I love how you…”
“I see Jesus in you through…”

As we use our words to build up, may we break down bitterness, anger, hurt, resentment and doubt. May we allow the power of the Holy Spirit to fill us and may the love of Christ flow from us.

Our words have power. How will you choose to use your words today? Invite the Lord to lead you according to Psalm 141: “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.” 

Deepening questions:

• If someone were to observe only the words you used, or didn’t use, with your spouse, who or what would they say holds the affections of your heart in this season of marriage?
• How do you use the power of your words?

Further reading:

Proverbs 18:21, Ephesians 4, Psalm 141:3, Genesis 1, Matthew 12:33-40, Psalm 19:14, Philippians 4:4-9