⁸ Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13:8–10

Paul continues his letter to the Corinthians by emphasizing that loving one another is far more important than anything else they valued—especially their spiritual gifts. The Corinthians were new Christians who strayed into sin and rebellion. They judged their worth based on spiritual gifts, using them to display power and compete with one another instead of serving and caring for others. This letter reminded them that God’s love is the true foundation of community and faith. Seeking power and acceptance from others is not the way to respond to God’s love or to demonstrate love to others.

Love never ceases. It’s not the fleeting affection of a fifteen-year-old’s first crush, but the eternal love of the heavenly Father—endless, constant and enduring through all circumstances. When we love in this way, there is no room for rivalry or hierarchy within the church. While spiritual gifts have their place, they are temporary and will eventually pass away. Gifts such as prophecy, tongues and knowledge serve a purpose now, but they will not last forever. Those gifts won’t be needed in heaven. But love remains forever—never failing, never ending and continuing even when spiritual gifts are no longer needed. 

The church today is not much different. Instead of outdoing one another in love, it can become a competition of how to outdo one another in gifts or works. Who has the most biblical knowledge? Who worships with the most passion? Who leads every Bible study or prayer circle? Who is the hostess with the mostest? None of these things are bad. They are wonderful gifts from God. But are we using our gifts to glorify God—or ourselves? We cannot simultaneously glorify God and glorify ourselves. Our God-given gifts are not for our glory; they are for His. And when we use our gifts to love and help others, He alone receives the glory. 1 Peter 4:16 says, “Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name.”

Paul tells the Corinthians in verses 9 and 10, “For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.” In other words, while we don’t know every detail of the story, we know how the story ends. And all that we can see, hear and touch will eventually disappear—including our spiritual gifts. The power of healing is great, but the person healed will still die one day. The power to speak in tongues is great, but it won’t be necessary in heaven, where we will be one people with one language. The gift of evangelism—I don’t even need to explain why that won’t be needed. But love is forever. It is the only eternal gift. Love transcends the boundaries of this world, making it far superior to anything we dare use platforms for our own greatness.

Many Christians live with an eternal perspective. We believe that Christ died for our sins, was resurrected and ascended to sit at God’s right hand. We believe that one day we will be with Him in heaven. But do we love with that same eternal perspective? Do we love one another as God loves us—in a way that breaks the boundaries of this world and our own sinfulness?

Eternal love is love that doesn’t expect or require being loved in return.

God loves you even when you don’t love Him back. On mission trips, I have often seen people receive our love with joy and gratitude because they know the love of their heavenly Father. But I have also been in places where the pain and brokenness were so deep that people accepted our gifts but could not receive our love. As humans, it is hard to love without receiving love in return. And sometimes it is hard to receive love when we have never truly felt it—or opened ourselves to the love of Christ. Yet God’s love is unending and unconditional. As disciples, we are called to show Christ’s love no matter the circumstance or response. Only God knows the heart.

Eternal love is not based on emotions. 

We often love based on how we feel—hormones, a bad day at work, lack of sleep and countless other things affect our capacity to love. But God loves us even when we are weary, angry or sad. Choosing to love in those moments is difficult, but that is the essence of unconditional love. When I act unloving toward (Pastor) Joby, I sometimes step back, realize it and ask for a do-over. Then we start fresh as if nothing happened. It’s erased, as if it never occurred. That’s how God loves us. We fail Him again and again, yet when we ask, He always forgives us and loves us still.

Eternal love is sacrificial.

Loving like Christ means putting others’ needs before our own—even when it hurts, is inconvenient or requires us to give something up. God’s love is sacrificial; He gave everything for us. His one and only Son died for our sins—a gift we did not deserve. 

How hard is it to love sacrificially? Taking time for someone when it isn’t convenient for you is a sacrifice. Buying groceries for someone who can’t afford them is a sacrifice when you can barely afford your own. Taking time away from your busy schedule to sit and pray with someone walking through a painful or frightening circumstance is a sacrifice.

Sacrifice doesn’t always mean stepping into the path of danger, though it might. Sacrifice is simply saying, “Today isn’t about me,” and then going to do the thing the Holy Spirit is nudging you to do. 

Eternal love doesn’t make sense. 

I’m reminded of a testimony shared in our church about a police officer whose son was murdered. The killer was convicted and sent to prison. But God stirred the father’s heart in a way beyond human understanding. He said, “From the moment I laid eyes on him in the courtroom, I loved him. I can’t explain it. I never hated him or felt what I thought I would…forgiveness wasn’t even an issue.”

Three years later, this father wrote to his son’s murderer, asking him to step into the role of a son. Months later, the man replied: “Dear Mr. Brown, I now know that God is real. I told God that if you meant what you said—if you forgave me, if you really loved me—I would give my life to Him. I could never fill your son’s shoes, but if you’ll have me, you’re my dad and I’m your son.” Their relationship continues to this day. Because Mr. Brown listened to the Spirit’s nudge and chose to love when it didn’t make sense, this man now walks with the Lord.

Eternal love doesn’t make sense. It is sacrificial, not based on emotions, and it expects nothing in return. God’s love breaks boundaries, crosses lines and does the unimaginable. 

God, thank You for eternal love. Help us to love as You love—without expectation, without boundaries and in ways that can only point others to You. May all the glory and praise be Yours. Amen

5 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. ² And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. ³ But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. ⁴ Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. Ephesians 5:1–4

We are wired to be in relationships. Marriage, family and friendships are all designed by God because He is a relational God. And God chose us to be in a relationship with Him for eternity. So it’s a big deal to Him when we do relationships the right way. And it’s a big deal to Him when we do relationships the wrong way.

But we aren’t perfect, and relationships are messy. And God knows that. The Bible is full of references and stories about imperfect, broken relationships. If God didn’t know relationships would be a struggle for us, He wouldn’t have given us so many stories and verses in the Bible instructing us on how to live them out.

The Bible says in James 4:1, “What causes quarrels and fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?” And in the same chapter, verse 11 says, “Do not speak evil against one another, brothers.” Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 17:14 warns, “The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.” Titus 3:10 says, “ As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him.” And my personal favorite, Philippians 2:14: “Do everything without complaining or arguing.” 

There is a theme here. If you are the one causing the fights, stop. And if someone comes at you wanting to fight, walk away. Jesus was the perfect example of this. He never fought with His friends, nor did He fight with His adversaries—and He had plenty of opportunities to lose his cool. He was angry a few times. In Mark 11, Jesus came to the temple and was so upset at what He saw taking place that He made whips, overturned over tables and drove out the people who were using the Lord’s house to bargain and make money. He was so angry that He called it a “den of thieves.”  But just to be clear, anger is not a sin. It is an emotion. What we do with our anger determines whether or not we sin. Do we fight for what is right—or do we fight for what we want? 

When we fight and argue with our loved ones, we are engaging in unholy relationships. We act out of selfish ambition. Think of the last fight or argument you had with someone. What started it? Why did you engage? Right now, are you thinking, Because I was right. Because I wanted to win. Because I wasn’t getting what I wanted. She hurt my feelings. I felt betrayed.

What’s the common theme? I, my, me. My needs over the needs of the other person. But it’s okay to take up for myself. I deserve to be right. Do you really? Do you and I deserve anything? 

Jesus was always right, always perfect, never fought, never sinned. Instead, He was gentle, loving and willing to teach when He was probably so frustrated at us. He was quiet, not engaging in fights and quarrels. In His humility and selflessness, He died on a cross bearing the weight of all our fights and quarrels and every sin in the world—a sacrifice He didn’t deserve for a bunch of undeserving sinners. 

It may seem impossible to be in a holy relationship because we are so unholy and undeserving. And that’s somewhat true. No relationship will ever be perfectly holy. But there’s this thing called progressive sanctification, which means we’re not perfect yet. Through the grace of God and our obedience to His Word and His authority in our lives, we continue to grow. Gradually, we become more like Christ in everything we do. 

So how do we cultivate holy relationships? Let’s explore three ways. 

1. A God honoring, holy relationship requires the Holy Spirit. 

The Holy Spirit is also referred to in the Bible as our Helper, Advocate, Intercessor and Comforter. As Christians, the Holy Spirit lives in us. We can either let the Spirit lead in our relationships or we can suppress the Him by ignoring Him. Broken marriages often result from ignoring the Spirit and saying, “I’ve got this. I don’t need Your help, God.” 1 Thessalonians 5:19 says, “Do not quench the Spirit.” 

You might tell God, “I’ve got this.” But remember, God is Sovereign—you are not. He can do what He wants, when He wants and how He wants. He is always there, but are we listening to Him—or to Satan’s lies? If you are cheating in your marriage, you are quenching the Spirit. If you are having sex outside of marriage, you are quenching the Spirit. If you are scrolling social media or the internet and it is not God-honoring and it’s affecting your relationships, you are quenching the Spirit. If you are holding a grudge and cannot forgive, you are quenching the Spirit. 

2. Throw away your list of expectations. 

A relationship built on rules and expectations is a recipe for disaster. Yesterday, we talked about what it looked like to love as Christ loves us. Jesus made no lists and had no expectations other than “Follow Me.” He never said, “You can only follow Me if you do all these things first.” 

We often confuse expectations and desires.  An expectation puts pressure on the person you expect something from. A desire is simply something you hope for. It’s okay to desire something from someone, but when that desire becomes an expectation, bitterness and resentment can start to set in. Soon, your loved one feels the weight of that pressure you are putting on them. 

For example, I desire for my kids to keep their rooms clean. But it quickly became an unhealthy expectation of mine, especially with my daughter Reagan. A couple of years ago, I was angry and frustrated every time I walked past her messy room. I finally had to let go of that expectation because it became a hindrance in our relationship. She doesn’t care about a messy room—it doesn’t bother at all. In fact, I think she prefers it that way. It wasn’t fair for me to put that expectation on her when she is wired differently than I am. Now, I still desire her to keep her room clean, but the pressure isn’t on her. I do have healthy expectations, like not leaving food out for the dogs to get into. And when she does clean—even just a few times a year—it brings me great joy. The rest of the time—the other 360 days of the year—I’ve learned to close the door and walk away. 

What expectations do you place on your loved ones? Whether big or small, expectations can drive a huge wedge in a relationship. If something has been a point of contention for a while, sit down and talk about it. A good way to start is: “I know I’ve been putting unfair expectations on you about (fill in the blank), and I’m sorry. My desire is (fill in the blank). But that’s on me, not on you.”

3. Celebrate the mountains but don’t ignore the valleys. 

We get so caught up in our own lives that we don’t realize how far into a ditch we’ve slipped with our loved ones. We go through the motions day after day and forget simple acts of love—like picking up the phone or greeting each other with a hug or a kiss when we walk through the front door. My dogs never get this wrong. They greet me 22 times a day as if they haven’t seen me in a year! If only I modeled that joy when my kids or my husband walk in. 

I few years ago, (Pastor) Joby and I slipped into this “going through the motions” spiral in our relationship. One day he said to me “G, I just want you to look up and acknowledge me when I walk through the door. That’s all.” GUT PUNCH. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. He was expressing a desire that I was not fulfilling, simply because I wasn’t aware. 

Stay alert and recognize when you are in a valley. Don’t just sit in it and hope it’ll get better. Walk through it with your loved one, and commit to coming out of it together—not further apart. And when you are on the mountain and things are great, don’t ignore that either. Celebrate it. Don’t take it for granted. Walk through the mountains together, arm in arm, ready to face whatever valley lies ahead.  

Heavenly Father, I pray that every woman will see this as an opportunity to search within her relationships. May she will lean on and listen to the Holy Spirit, tear up her lists of expectations, recognize the good times and work through the hard times. God, draw us closer to You because we need You at the center of our marriages, families and friendships. Thank You for loving us even in our messes and our failures. In Jesus’s name I pray, Amen.