⁴ Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶ it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13:4–7 

Paul writes this chapter not as a blanket statement of how he felt about love. He was writing to the Corinthians specifically because of the poor behaviors and attitudes he was seeing in the church. The things Paul listed about love were the very things he saw the church get wrong. They were impatient, unkind, envious, boastful, proud, rude, irritable, resentful, untruthful and self-absorbed.

It’s a good thing we don’t have to worry about any of those things in our church, right? Wrong. This is a perfect example of how the Bible is timeless—always relevant and always relatable. 

Having been in ministry for 25 years, I have seen all 15 of these things Paul described done well, and I have seen all 15 go wrong. We must remember that the church is made up of imperfect people from all walks of life. We all face struggles and conflicts, and whenever more than one person is in a room, there will likely be quarrels among us. And according to James 4:1, it’s because we don’t get what we want. 

Let’s look at each aspect of love Paul describes. I’m going to be vulnerable and break down how I think I’m doing with each one. 

Love is patient. Patience isn’t my strong suit. I get antsy waiting for anything that takes longer than 30 seconds in a microwave, and I can throw a fit when something takes longer than I think it should. Honestly, when I’m impatient, other bad traits surface. I can be unkind, irritable, resentful and stubborn about getting my way. Just ask (Pastor) Joby and my kids—they have front-row seats.

Love is kind. I constantly remind myself to be kind with my words, especially when I’m frustrated or impatient with my family. If something isn’t done my way, kindness doesn’t bubble out of me. And like a tube of toothpaste, once words spill out, they can’t be put back in. I often have to live with regret of what I say or do, which can be painful and damaging to relationships. 

Love does not envy or boast. Envy still creeps up on me at times. It used to hit hard when I scrolled social media and saw people’s perfect families, homes and vacations. That’s why I deleted social media about six years ago for Lent. To this day, I don’t scroll through people’s stories or posts. It has been freeing, though I do miss announcements and am often late to the party on things. Now, I use social media mostly when I need a good laugh—and yes, I can get sucked into those funny reels for hours. 

Love is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. I don’t think I am arrogant or rude, but I am often mistaken for it. I’m an introvert, and 99.9% of the time, I will not walk up to someone and start a conversation. It’s not personal—it’s just me. Because of that, I can come across as standoffish. But rest assured, it has nothing to do with others; I am simply awkward and afraid. Over the years, I’ve worked on this, and my introverted awkwardness is slowly improving. But I’ve also realized that my being an introvert cannot be my excuse for not loving people. Perception can quickly become reality if I choose not to be more open and vulnerable. 

Love is not irritable or resentful. As I mentioned earlier, when I get impatient, I become irritable and resentful. Perimenopausal hormones can magnify this, and sometimes I know what it is and I don’t even care. I still allow myself to get irritable—and I just want the whole world to know about I’m irritable. This is one I must work hard on because it affects everyone around me. 

Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. This first part, I think, I’m not too bad at. I don’t find pleasure in wrongdoing. I despise unrighteousness and injustice. But I have to ask: is it possible to take this too far? If I isolate myself from wrongdoing entirely, am I rejoicing in the truth if I’m not sharing the gospel with others? I can easily stay in a comfortable Christian bubble, which is not God’s intent for me. 

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. This is agape love—selfless and unconditional. It never ends, regardless of the past or the future. In relationships, I am a loyalist. I will bear all things and endure all things. Through good and bad, you can’t get rid of me. But I also expect loyalty in return, and when trust is broken, I struggle with the “endures all things” aspect of love. I am also a bit of a pessimist, so, believing and hoping the best in all things doesn’t come naturally. I must constantly remind myself to believe the best instead of expecting the worst. 

I could spend hours explaining what each trait of love means offering examples. But we’ve all heard that a million times. What we don’t often hear are people’s weaknesses. It’s hard to be vulnerable. We want others to think we have it all together—wrapped up in a neat bow. So, we walk around with veils over our faces, afraid of what people will think if they saw the real us. 

Love is understanding these 15 qualities and accepting that we won’t always get them right. Love is choosing to believe in others despite failures. Love is recognizing our imperfect behaviors and turning them toward others’ needs above our own. Love is taking off selfishness and putting on the love of Christ.

Take time today and walk through each of these. Be vulnerable and honest with yourself. Where are you succeeding? Where do you need more work? Sometimes we don’t see our own blind spots, especially if they’ve been our normal for a while. Ask a loved one to walk through this list with you. 

Heavenly Father, we aren’t perfect, but You are. Thank You for the love of a perfect Father. We love You, and we want to love others as You have loved us. Give us patience, kindness, humility, steadfastness, endurance and belief as we strive to love others well. Amen