³² This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³ However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:32–33

When I hear about a marriage that has failed, it makes me sad and sometimes angry. However, I’m not surprised. Marriage and our culture were never meant to coexist. When God created marriage, the world was at peace—perfect and without sin. God designed marriage to align with a perfect world.

Most importantly, the covenant of marriage reflects God’s covenant with His bride, the church—a perfect relationship and perfect love without fail. So it makes sense why it is so hard to be married and to stay married. We aren’t perfect, and we get in our own way. 

In Ephesians 5:32, Paul says, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Just when everyone thought they were getting a free marriage counseling session, Paul throws a curveball. 

From the beginning, marriage has been an intentional model of the covenant relationship between Christ and the church. Paul reveals in verse 32 that this is the mystery. Marriage is modeled after Christ’s love for the church. It’s not that we tried to fit marriage into a category and the best analogy we came up with was Christ’s love for us. Paul is saying marriage was designed this way by God on purpose. We are to love our spouses just as Christ loves the church and gave Himself as a sacrifice for her. And when we don’t do that, God’s idea and design for marriage cannot work.

Loving your spouse within the framework God created for marriage is impossible unless you first understand the love of your heavenly Father. One cannot exist without the other. If you are a Christian and have been walking with the Lord for some time, you probably know this. You’ve likely heard it in a sermon, in marriage counseling or in a devotional. We know that following Jesus and applying God’s truth to our marriage provides the only lasting foundation. The real question is, how do we do it? If we are imperfect, how can we expect to build a marriage that reflects the mystery of the love of our perfect Father? 

No earthly relationship comes with a lifetime guarantee. We are sinners condemned to die because of our sin. This is why we must look beyond our fleshly needs and desires when entering into the covenant of marriage. Although marriage can sometimes seem hard to get right, we made a vow before God to work toward the goal of perfect love and respect for our husbands and to honor them as they lead the family—just as Christ loves and leads us. 

We won’t always get it right. In fact, we will disappoint ourselves and our husbands repeatedly. But it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being obedient to God’s Word and to the covenant of marriage. 

I’ve seen marriages restored because of faithful wives, and I’ve also seen faithful wives who, after trying everything, had to make the difficult choice to walk away from an unfaithful, ungodly marriages. I wish I had a magic wand. I wish I could say your efforts and faith in your marriage will always work. But I can’t. 

Marriage is a two-way street. Some of you are probably thinking right now about how hard you’ve tried, how many times you’ve been willing to forgive and still, he betrayed you. The sin of your spouse isn’t on you, and it’s not something you can fix. That’s between him and the Lord. If the Lord isn’t Lord over all things in his life, your marriage will always be at risk. 

But this is what I know to be true: there is power in prayer. Pray to restore your marriage. Pray to be the godly wife you vowed to be. Pray for God to carry you through the difficult parts you never wanted or expected. 

Communicate openly with your spouse. The more you discuss your roles as husband and wife, the easier it becomes to embrace those roles with humility and a servant’s heart. He is probably just as confused and intimidated by it as you are. When you are honest and transparent about what these marriage roles mean, it breaks down barriers and walls that serve as defense mechanisms. Remember, you are on the same team—so, act like it.

Be the example you wish your husband had. I’ve heard women say their husbands’ friends are bad influences or not walking with the Lord. But what if you were the example you wish your husband had? What if you went to church weekly, even if he went golfing with his buddies? What if you prayed for him every night out loud, even if he didn’t reciprocate? What if you said no to those sketchy invitations from coworkers because you knew things would happen there that didn’t align with the covenant you made with your husband? The people closest to us are the most influential in our lives. Be that influence in your husband’s life.

Words matter. Speak life into your husband. Instead of nagging, listen. Instead of condemning him for what he gets wrong, praise him for what he does right. Instead of judging him, tell him you are proud of him. Instead of holding a grudge, choose to forgive. As wives, our words carry so much power. Make them count.

How many times has Jesus loved you despite your mess? How many times has He forgiven you when you failed? How many times has He been proud of you when you got it right? And how many times has He lifted you up when you fell? Too many to count. That’s the mystery. The love of Christ is greater than any love we could imagine. It is the a perfect example of what marriage should look like and how we should love our husbands. And if we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, He will guide us through both the good times and the bad. 

Thank you, Lord, for the perfect example You’ve given us for our marriages. Even though it is hard and we mess up often, draw us closer to You so that we can draw closer to our husbands—just as You designed. And Lord, when we fail, pick us up and hold us close to You so that we know Your love never fails. Amen