²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶ that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰ because we are members of his body. ³¹ “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³² This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³ However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:25–33

The covenant of marriage is modeled after Christ’s love for His bride, the church. Christ sacrificed everything for her; He continually teaches her, protects her, provides for her and makes her better. In turn, she—the church—humbly submits to Him, worships and adores Him and respects Him because He is the head of the church. 

In an ideal world, all marriages would look like this. But because we are all imperfect, we bring our own baggage into marriage, leading to seasons of rebellion, tension and resistance. Ultimately, we are fighting against our own sinful nature—our needs, our desires and our expectations. And when we don’t get what we want, as James 4:1 says, we fight and we quarrel. 

Every married woman longs to be loved by her husband. When both husband and wife live within the covenant of marriage the way God intended, it beautifully reflects how Christ loves us. Honestly, it’s hard to be angry at your husband when he is loving you the way God intended. And when you are receiving that kind of love, it’s easier for you to do your part. Respect for him and submission to his leadership as head of the house are natural responses when he pours out his love. 

(Pastor) Joby and I talked about this the other day. When we outdo each other with love, everything gets better. We have more fun, laugh more, communicate more easily and desire greater closeness and intimacy. When things are good, it feels like a tug-of-war over who can be more loving and serving. Our marriage is easier when we are not selfish or self-seeking. And when he loves me and puts my needs first, it makes me want to love him more and prioritize his needs over my own. But that tug-of-war can turn ugly just as quickly when we become selfish and start caring more about ourselves. Then it becomes a battle over who can stay silent the longest or who will apologize first. 

It is impossible to fight when both husband and wife are in mutual submission to one another. Think of war: no war has ever started with two countries completely submitted to each other. War begins when there is a desire to overpower the other because of conflict, disagreement and the need for control. The goal is to dominate and win. But you can’t fight if you are trying to overpower one another with love and respect. The natural response when we receive love is to love. The natural response when we receive respect is to give respect.

And we’re not just talking about marriage. Jesus commanded all of us to love one another as He loves us. In John 15:12–13, Jesus says, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” Jesus was speaking to the disciples right before He was arrested. He begins with a command: to love one another. Then He looks at them with urgency and tells them there is no greater love than the kind He is about to show. Jesus’s hour was near when He gave this commandment. This was His final push to explain what sacrificial love looks like. And He knew the trials they would face after He was gone. They were about to experience hate and persecution like never before. They needed to know that the unconditional, sacrificial love of Jesus Christ was enough to sustain them and empower them to show the world the love of Christ.

We’ve discussed loving our husbands as Christ loves us. So, how do we put that into practice with others?

Loving others as Christ loves us requires radical sacrifice. Sacrificial love means loving when it hurts to love. It is loving when it is undeserved. It is loving when it doesn’t make sense to love. Jesus did all that for us. It hurt Jesus to give His life for us on the cross. We did not deserve His sacrifice. And it didn’t make sense, because He could have chosen another way. But instead, God loved us so much that He gave His Son so that we could live—the ultimate act of radical, sacrificial love.

Loving others like Christ means radical service. Maybe you need to sacrifice the job you love because it is taking you away from your family and your marriage is suffering. It could mean taking the long way home to visit a lonely elderly person God has placed on your heart. It might be using a bonus to help someone in serious financial need, giving up your Saturday of golf to spend time with your family or surrendering a week of vacation to serve on a mission trip. Service requires sacrifice and putting others’ needs before your own. 

And loving others like Christ means radical forgiveness. Sometimes love can only begin to heal when we show forgiveness in our hearts. Even on the cross, Jesus cried out, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.” He was asking forgiveness for the very men who beat Him, nailed Him to the cross and cast lots for His clothing as they waited for Him to die. Forgiveness isn’t a feeling; it is a choice we make daily. 

Imagine a world where everyone obeyed this one command: to love one another as Christ loved us. One of the things we say at The Church of Eleven22 is “Love God and Love People.” So as you go today, love God and love people. Find the person that the world sees as unlovable and love them. Love your husband. Love your children. Love your friends. And love your enemies. It can change everything about everything.