Ephesians 5:22–24

There is a lot to unpack in Ephesians 5, but this week we are focusing on how to be a godly wife. Today we will look at the first three verses, which happen to be some of the most unpopular in the Bible. And if you are not married, please hang in there. This passage is dedicated to marriage, and if your hopes and dreams are to be married one day, don’t bypass it. God can use any situation and any passage to speak to you. Whether you are married, used to be married, know someone who’s struggling in their marriage or hope to be married one day, God’s Word is always relevant and always applicable.

I learned so much from older, wiser women in my life before I got married. And I got married super young—I was one month shy of turning 24 and thought I knew it all. But now, with 50 right around the corner, I look back and am even more thankful for the women who poured into my life and marriage over the last 25 years. And I still have a lot to learn.

It’s not about being a perfect wife; it’s about being a godly wife. And the text says what it says. I didn’t write it—I’m simply delivering it to you, hopefully in a way that is not only God-honoring but transformational. If you have always struggled reading Ephesians 5, I pray these verses will transform from negative to positive, from darkness to light, from hopeless to hopeful and from death to life. 

The Enemy has been coming after marriage since the beginning of human history. Marriage is God’s idea. Marriage is God’s design. And marriage will only work when it is done God’s way. Of course the Enemy will attack your marriage—he despises everything created by God for His glory, for our good and our pleasure. Satan seeks to destroy marriage and manipulate it into something unrighteous and ungodly. Marriage, by God’s design, is only between one man and one woman. Anything outside of that is an unhealthy perversion of what God intended to be good for us and to glorify Him. 

I get pretty fired up when it comes to marriage because I know that almost 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Studies show that 53 percent of couples who experience infidelity are divorced within five years. So, does God’s design for marriage work? Yes—because it is God’s design. One man and one woman. Nothing outside of that works. Imagine what the world would look like if we embraced God’s Word and God’s idea of marriage and applied them to every marriage. Families would not be broken. Children would grow up with two loving parents committed to one another. Sexually transmitted diseases would not exist. Unwanted pregnancies would not exist. There would be no abortion and no infidelity.

Ephesians 5:22–24 is the wife’s instructional manual on being married, staying married and avoiding a disastrous marriage. Husbands have their own instruction manual, but here we will focus on ours and the role we play in marriage.

Ephesians 5:22–24 says: ²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

It is important to read the Bible in context. Going back to verses 15–16, Paul says ^” Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, ¹⁶ making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.”  He continues in verses 17–20 to talk about how to live wisely, about friendships and work, about not getting drunk—essentially about every area of our lives. Then verse 21 is key: “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Paul is saying that before you can even think about being husband and wife, you need to know how to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. If you can’t do that, it will be very hard to have a God-centered marriage. 

The Bible says we are to be mutually submitted to our spouses as unto the Lord. So how do we do that? How do we submit to our husbands as unto the Lord? Here are some ways to honor God and honor our husbands in our marriage. 

First, put God first. If you are not placing God at the center of your marriage, it is hard to continue pursuing what it means to be a Godly wife. God is the foundation of marriage because He designed it. And if you put Him last, do not expect Him to bless your marriage. Proverbs 3:5–6 says, 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
⁶ In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths.

All means all. Your marriage will be stronger when you prioritize Him in every part of your life and marriage. 

Second, put your spouse’s needs before your own. This is what submission looks like—prioritizing your husband’s needs first. Why is this important? Because Christ modeled it for us. God the Father, the Creator of everything, put our needs first when He sent His Son to earth to deal with our sin. So, when you are tempted to complain about putting your husband’s needs first, remember what your Savior did for you on the cross. Your husband might be needy, but his needs will never require the kind of sacrifice Jesus demonstrated to save you. 

Third, be friends. I love my friends. I love to do life with them—Bible study, dinners, vacations, all the things. But there is nowhere I would rather be than with my husband. He is my best friend. I say no to my friends often because I cherish my time with him, and I have the most fun when I am with him. 

Finally, be respectful. Respect your husband always and in every way—when you are with him and when you are not. A huge pet peeve of mine is when I am out with a group of women or overhear women complaining about their husbands. Psalm 141:3 says, “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!” Sometimes that is hard. Giving in to gossip and heated conversations is easy, especially when things aren’t going well at home. Even if we think we are just blowing off steam or contributing innocently, the more we disrespect our husbands in public, the more we will disrespect them in private. 

I know there are marriages out there struggling. Perhaps he is not being the Ephesians 5 husband, and you are trying so hard. You are putting God first, but he is not. You are putting his needs first, but he is only thinking about his next golf trip. You have grown apart, and your marriage feels more like being roommates than best friends. You have lost respect for him because of what he has done to you and to your marriage. You can only control what you do. So keep doing the part God has commanded you to do, and pray for your husband daily. Pray that he sees Jesus through your love and kindness toward him. Pray that he sees Jesus through your respect for him and your submission to his needs, even if his words or actions are far from deserving. 

We did not deserve a Father who sacrificed everything for us. We did not deserve to be rescued from our sin and our shame. But God so loved us that He did it anyway. Pray for your husband. Pray for your marriage. Ask God to reveal anything in you that might be getting in the way. And pray with your husband. Even if he resists, ask if you can pray for him. Then let God do the rest. 

God thank You for the gift of marriage. We humbly and fervently ask for Your protection over our marriages. Shield us from the Enemy’s attacks and guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. I pray for our husbands—that You would guard their hearts and minds from the Enemy’s schemes to destroy our relationships. Help us to love and serve our husbands with thankful and submissive hearts. Amen