Key Scripture:

Ecclesiastes 3:4b – “a time to mourn, and a time to dance;”

Devotional:

I find it easy to mourn. It just feels natural for me as a highly contemplative, highly reflective person. It’s comforting for me to dwell on all that has been, should be and may never become. It seems like an easy response to a broken world and difficult daily circumstances. And…there is a time for it.

My spouse finds it easy to dance. It feels natural for her as a highly optimistic, highly enthusiastic person. It’s comforting for her to seek the next opportunity to experience something, to lay down the problems of the day and feel the present. It seems like an easy response to a broken world and difficult daily circumstances. And…there is a time for it.

Mourning and dancing can seem like the opposite ends of an emotional spectrum, meant for specific moments, specific moods, specific environments and maybe even specific personalities. Yet, Jesus shows us throughout Scripture that there is a time for both, in all people. In the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5), Jesus describes the life of a follower and says, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Conversely, though not in opposition, Jesus also routinely celebrates life, once depicted in a wedding at Cana and the performing of His first miracle, preserving the reputation of its hosts and a continuation of the dance (John 2).

There are distinct moments in our lives, and in our marriages that are clearly for mourning and clearly for dancing, and God invites us to the abundance of life available in experiencing both rather than constantly living in one or the other. In fact, to live in either one perpetually would include ignoring the other. And to be honest, it’s very comfortable to just live in our own personality, doing exactly what we want and rationalizing anything different. The only problem is, it’s not biblical or representative of marriage to do so. Rather, Ecclesiastes tells us that there are times for both, regardless of personalities, preferences, dispositions, or the like.

So often, we hear the phrase “opposites attract” when it comes to dating and marriage, and while this may not always hold true, it is very common that spouses bring with them somewhat opposite approaches to the events and opportunities of life. This is certainly true in my marriage and has resulted in many conflicts over the years on how we navigate life together. However, it has also produced incredible fruit in our best moments, fully relying on each other to understand that which we do not do naturally and walking in the fullness that marriage truly brings as two become one flesh.

Deepening questions:

• Does your spouse “mourn” or “dance” better than you? Ask him or her about that. How can you become better at one or the other?
• Have you ever considered “mourning” or “dancing” as something you do on purpose in your weekly habits? Talk to your spouse about what each of these may look like in your prayers, your plans, or your dating life.

Further reading:
Matthew 5, John 2:1-11