Key Scripture:

Ecclesiastes 3:4a – “a time to weep, and a time to laugh;”

Devotional:

Weeping and laughing. There are many examples of both in Scripture: Jesus is mocked with laughter at the crowd’s reaction to His statements (Matthew 9:24) and weeps when comforting Martha and Mary (John 11:35), psalmists declare that ruling in heaven causes laughter (Psalm 2:4) while feelings of separation from God produce tears and longing (Psalm 42:3), Jeremiah reminds us that there will be times where both women and men will dance and celebrate (Jeremiah 31:13) and also wail and wallow (Jeremiah 25:34). There are many more. I encourage you to look them up and find similarities in your own life experiences.

These two responses to life, in my experience, are uncontrollable reactions to strong emotional movement. They are external representations of almost overwhelming internal energy. Sometimes those representations come at expected times – laughter at parties or sharing a funny story, weeping at funerals or embracing in the hallway over some tough news. Sometimes those representations come surprisingly – laughing out loud in a moment that feels inappropriate or sobbing for seemingly no good reason. Has a romantic comedy or touching commercial ever caught you off guard? Yeah, me too.

There is so much laughing and so much weeping in marriage. Not necessarily because there is always something to laugh at or weep about, but rather because two people are now sharing one experience. In marriage, God has combined two lives into one flesh (Mark 10) and while those two lives may experience different day-to-day events or filter them through two different personalities, they are experienced as one flesh, like it or not. In other words, when your spouse is weeping, so is your marriage (one flesh). When your spouse is laughing, so is your marriage (one flesh). These are external representations of your life together. Sometimes it feels SO GOOD to have a partner in that. Can we agree that there are few things better than having someone to laugh or cry with, especially if we are comfortable sharing our true selves with that person? It’s awesome!

Yet, there are also moments in marriage when our weeping or laughing might feel out of step with our spouse. These moments are tough. They are destabilizing. They require discernment. They require sacrifice, and husbands and wives must act as sacrificial lovers. In Philippians 2, Paul writes that, for those who are united in Christ, joy becomes complete through “being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.” For those who are married, this comes through sacrificing self – laying one’s own desires down for the sake of the whole. In other words, if you find yourself laughing and your spouse is not, you may need to pause and reflect. Similarly, if your spouse is weeping, you may need to join him/her there. I pray that the love you have for your spouse causes almost uncontrollable empathy to his/her laughter or weeping.

Deepening questions:

• Are there things your spouse enjoys that you don’t? Why is that? Are there ways you could find to join him/her there? Ask your spouse how you might laugh more with him/her.
• Are you good or bad at empathizing with your spouse? In other words, when he/she is weeping, do you understand it or try to solve it? Ask your spouse how you might empathize more with him/her.

Further reading:
Matthew 9:18-26, John 11:1-37, Psalm 2, Psalm 42, Jeremiah 31:10-14, Jeremiah 25:32-38, Mark 10:1-9