Key Scripture:

Ecclesiastes 3:22 – “So I saw that there is nothing better than that a man should rejoice in his work, for that is his lot. Who can bring him to see what will be after him?”

Devotional:

God designed marriage for our delight and His glory. When we walk in accordance with God’s plan for our marriage, it is a place of safety, flourishing and joy where husbands and wives complement each other. United together, the love a husband has for his wife displays the love Christ has for the church and the love a wife has for her husband reflects how the people of God respond to Jesus. This is God’s design for marriage, husband and wife committed to the mission of God. It is a clear vision for marriage.

Seasons come and seasons go. Some linger far too long while others disappear in the blink of an eye. The season we find ourselves in has the potential to influence how we walk out God’s vision for our marriage. Why? Because we are easily led by our flesh.

The command for husbands to love their wives and for wives to respect their husband is easy – until it’s not. We have been given a focus and a role within our marriage. The problem is we frequently look at and respond to what our spouse is, or is not, giving us rather than follow God’s command and respond out of reverence to Him. We respond to what our spouse does rather than what God has done.

When I am not connected to the source of life, Christ, I am not a source of life for my husband. When I am not a source of life, he is deprived of the one thing he needs from me to answer his fundamental question, “Do I have what it takes?” When I don’t answer that question with a resounding, “Yes,” it feels as though his private doubts are proven true. When he feels as though I don’t respect him, he withdraws or lashes out and spends more time in spaces (work for example) where he feels respected. When he does this, I don’t feel loved and the crazy train begins. I don’t get my fundamental question, “Am I lovable and loved?” affirmed by him, so I don’t extend respect to him. He doesn’t feel respected by me, so he doesn’t extend love. And round and round we go until one of us makes the decision to hop off the crazy train and meet the other’s needs regardless of whether they are meeting ours. 

God is our source of life. In Him and through Him all things work together for His glory and ultimately our good. I’d love to say if you love and respect as God commanded, your marriage will be easy and comfortable and it may very well be, if both parties are connected to Him as their source of life. Things tend to go better when we obey God’s plan. However, God has not called us to be comfortable. He has called us to be transformed. 

God’s desire for us is holiness. Through Christ He calls us out of sin, wipes away our transgressions and gives us new life. In Him we are new creations, the old has gone and the new has come. Created to reflect Him to the world around us, His desire is for us to know Him and to be transformed by that knowledge. As we are transformed, we are no longer at the mercy of our flesh, and we are free to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit in accordance with the will of God. The Holy Spirit empowers us to love and respect our spouse not because they’ve earned it, but because it is God’s will for our marriage. We are to extend love and respect out of reverence for who God is.

The world says, “Do what you love” and if you’re not getting what you need from your spouse, find it somewhere else. God says, “You are mine. In me, all of your needs are satisfied. Because I am your source of life, you can rejoice in the role I have given you knowing you do it to glorify me. Therefore husbands, love your wives. Wives respect your husbands.”

Let us rejoice in the joy of our salvation and seek the source of life that we may be a source of life. God be glorified in us and in our marriage.

Deepening questions:

• Is God your primary source of life? Why or why not?
• What challenges do you face in loving/respecting your spouse?
• Ask your spouse how they receive love/respect from you.
• When you don’t feel loved/respected, how do you respond? Confess this to your spouse and ask for their forgiveness.

Further reading:
Ephesians 5:22-33, Romans 8:32, Psalm 36:9, John 6:35, Isaiah 40:31, 1 Peter 1:16, Leviticus 11:44-45, 2 Corinthians 5:14-21 |

*Love and Respect by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs