Key Scripture:

Ecclesiastes 3:16-17 – “Moreover, I saw under the sun that in the place of justice, even there was wickedness, and in the place of righteousness, even there was wickedness. I said in my heart, God will judge the righteous and the wicked, for there is a time for every matter and for every work.”

Devotional:

Over the years, God has done so many good things through our marriage. I would give you examples, but 22 years of experience is impossible to lay out for you here, though it flashes in front of you like the snap of your fingers. If I could count all the moments of birthing, planting, healing, dancing, gathering, embracing, seeking, keeping, sewing and loving, it would far outweigh any list of the opposite. It’s not even close. Yet, regardless of the number of great things throughout those years, there has also been death, uprooting, tearing down, mourning, loneliness, distance, casting away, silence and war. A time for every matter and for every work.

I remember how excited I was when I got married, ready to take care of everything, to be a responsible husband and create a life that was full of fun, security and success. I was certain that my marriage was going to be the envy of others, wondering how a couple could simultaneously be so successful and so content at the same time. I dreamed of cooking meals together, building a house together and even of short fights that ended before we went to bed at night, sitcom style. I honestly thought that we could be so good at this that the enemy would never gain a foothold in our dynamic – not in our communication, not in our household, not in our growing family and not in our circumstances. Ignorant? Maybe. Let’s go with confidence and enthusiasm.

Unfortunately, I also attached this confidence and enthusiasm to my own ability (or inabilities) to make them happen. I placed myself as solely responsible for both the good and the bad. I credited myself with picking a great first apartment, with paying our bills, with having a new car (sort of), with doing fun things, with buying cool stuff and with starting our family. I also blamed myself for our first apartment burning down, for losing all our possessions with it, with damaging my wife’s dog in the process, with going in debt as a result and with taking years to recover, and that was just year one! As more years rolled by, I took hit after hit as I held myself as responsible and accountable to both the good and the bad circumstances. I told myself I wasn’t good enough to lead my house spiritually. I told myself that I was behind in my career because I wasn’t as good as my friends. I told myself that going to counseling made me a failure. I told myself that God must not like me very much because if He did, my life would look different. These things are lies, and impossible weights to carry. Weights meant for someone else.

On the surface, this scripture might sound defeating, that even in our full-effort pursuits of good things, bad things will still exist. That in even our most righteous efforts, wickedness will still exist. It’s like the day when you are looking at your house to-do list and finally conclude that there is no way you will ever complete it because it keeps growing! It’s an unachievable goal. So, why even try then? Why go through the effort? Why bother attempting something you can’t fully complete? These are questions I used to ask myself as I tried to resolve the tensions between my life’s circumstances, the realities of the world and my own efforts within them. What do you do with that feeling? Give up? Get started? Move on? You have options.

In 2 Corinthians 9, Paul writes that God loves a cheerful giver and can always bless that giver abundantly in all things, providing all he needs and allowing him to abound in every good work. He can free you from the judgment of what your giving provides, free you from the worry of what your actions accomplish, free you from the belief that your happiness relies on your decisions and efforts, free you from the weight of being the savior of your own life and marriage. God has judgment handled, even in the face of wickedness. God will handle the results. God will handle the circumstances. He will fight for you. He has overcome the world (John 16). I encourage you to invite Him to overcome your world as well. There is nothing more freeing.

Deepening questions:

• In your marriage, how much is your happiness tied to events and accomplishments? Do you and your spouse enjoy the journey? If so, describe that to each other. If not, talk about how you might take pleasure in the doing as much as in the completing.
• God makes it clear that we should leave judgment to Him. What areas of your marriage are you claiming judgment? What would it look like to turn that over to God?

Further reading:
2 Corinthians 9, John 16, Matthew 6:25-34