Key Scripture:

Ecclesiastes 3:8a – “a time to love, and a time to hate;”

Devotional:

I love brilliant blue skies with big fluffy white clouds. I love ridiculously oversized cups. I love living near the beach. I love deep conversations over a cup of coffee. I love my children. I love my husband.

I hate spiders and snakes. I hate dirty dishes in the sink. I hate waiting in line. I hate being misunderstood. I hate to fail. I hate to see loved ones in pain.

Love and hate. Two words we toss around to express how we feel about the things that impact us for a moment to those that reach to the depths of our hearts and everything in between. Love is the word that brought us together in marriage, and hate holds the potential to drive us apart. Knowing this, it’s difficult to reconcile “a time to love, and a time to hate” within our marriage.

Long before we exchanged vows because of love, God (who is love) created marriage as a gift — a gift created to be more than a loving relationship between a man and woman. God created marriage to put on display Christ’s love for the church, for His people. Marriage exists for the glory of God.

As followers of Jesus, we are first and foremost to love the Lord our God with all of our heart, and with all of our soul, and with all of our mind. Out of love for Him, we submit to one another, loving our neighbor (and our spouse) as we love ourselves. This doesn’t just magically happen. We choose love because He first loved us. To love God, to know Him and to walk intimately with Him, is to love what He loves and hate what He hates. God hates sin.

The time to love and time to hate coexist within our marriage. Marriage is a gift established in love. Marriage also reveals our weaknesses. The thief comes ONLY to steal, kill and destroy, and our marriage is a target. Love draws us together; sin pulls us apart. To love well within our marriage, we must protect our marriage and hate that which the enemy would seek to use to destroy.

We protect our marriage by loving vulnerability and hating dishonesty. Whether it’s spending habits, internet relationships, substance abuse, pride or insecurity, secrets keep our spouse out. Where honesty is lacking, trust is undermined and feelings of security are destroyed. Vulnerability in our marriage requires complete honesty in all areas. Emotional honesty reveals our reaction to the events of our life and our marriage, positive and negative, so that we may grow and respond to one another. Historical honesty reveals where we have been and how we have been shaped to be the person we are in our marriage today. Historical honesty demonstrates our weakness, failure, strength and success. Current honesty reveals where we are today, literally and emotionally. Where we are today in marriage matters and demands attention to cultivate mutual flourishing for the glory of God. Honesty about our thoughts and plans for the future brings clarity to where we are heading together. Honesty is vulnerable and risky. The Lord hates lies, but He delights in those who are honest and trustworthy. We are to walk in truth according to the word of God.

Protecting our marriage requires us to simultaneously hold love and hate according to what our loving God hates. While not an exhaustive list, consider these love-and-hate relationships within our marriage:

Love intimacy. Hate apathy.
Love to build up one another. Hate criticism and judgment.
Love mutual submission. Hate power and control.
Love communication. Hate isolation.
Love growth. Hate stagnation.
Love repentance and forgiveness. Hate pride.

Today, let us choose to love what God loves and hate what He hates. May love and hate coexist in our marriage SO THAT God may be glorified, and we may live the abundant life found in Jesus.

Deepening questions:

• What does the relationship between love and hate look like in your marriage today?
• Ask your spouse: What is the best thing about our marriage? What is the hardest thing about our marriage?
•  Based on the answers to the questions above, where is God calling you to embrace love? Hate?

Further reading:
Genesis 2:18-25, Ephesians 5:31-32, Deuteronomy 6:4-5, 1 John 4:7-21, John 10:10, Proverbs 12:22, Deuteronomy 30:6