Key Scripture:

“A time to keep silence, and a time to speak.” Ecclesiastes 3:7b

Devotional:

Have you ever replayed a conversation in your head that you had with a friend that didn’t go quite as planned? Isn’t it crazy how even with the best of intentions, the words we share sometimes have unexpected consequences?

A similar conversation took place in the book of Job. After a season of great prosperity, Job’s life takes a quick turn and through a series of events, he loses everything. In response, Job’s middle of the night, no matter what, ride-or-die kind of friends drop everything to come to his side. After seven days of mourning in silence, his buddies were ready to speak and let’s just say it didn’t go so well.¹

Eliphaz wrongfully accused Job of sin with a judgemental tone.²
Bildad provides Job with his perspective and offers his unhelpful, unsolicited advice.³
Zophar was quick to jump to conclusions and judgment.⁴

In one of his books, Jon Ortburg writes, “Being right is actually a really hard burden to be able to carry gracefully and humbly. That’s why nobody likes to sit next to the kid who’s right all the time. One of the hardest things in the world is to be right and not hurt other people with it.” ⁵ And boy, didn’t Job feel the reality of that statement in the midst of great suffering. Despite the best of intentions, the lack of empathy found in the words of his friends not only pushed him deeper into despair but caused him to further question God’s sovereignty and wisdom in his life.

It’s no wonder that James warns us to be quick to hear, slow to speak,⁶ because oftentimes once we get around to paying attention to what we’re saying and how we’re saying it to the people in our life, it’s already too late.

In the book of 1 Samuel, the story of another kind of friendship is told. This friendship would have been one that Solomon was very well acquainted with as it was the relationship between his dad, King David and his best friend Jonathan. The bible tells us that when the two of them met they had an immediate bond so much so that Jonathan would become totally committed to David and become his number one advocate and friend.⁷ And that was just the beginning…

Jonathan strengthened David’s faith by actively listening without judgment.⁸
Jonathan affirmed David’s calling by reminding him of the anointing that God had on his life.⁹
Jonathan selflessly supported David through thick and thin.¹⁰

David is described as a man after God’s own heart and I can’t help but to think of all the ways that Jonathan’s friendship was instrumental in shaping David’s character.

When it comes to friendships, the art of wisdom is knowing when to speak and when to listen. The writer of Proverbs says, “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Job’s friends unintentionally used their words to bring further despair that caused Job to doubt the Lord. Jonathan intentionally used his words to bring healing that stirred David’s affections for the Lord. And the impact He had on David’s life as a result was profound. 

Similarly, in my lifetime, I have felt the deep and painful thrust of the sword like Job (and I definitely have been the one to thrust the sword). But if it wasn’t for those relationships, I don’t know if I would be able to fully appreciate all the “Jonathans” in my life who have brought healing. 

So it makes sense that an all-knowing, all-sufficient, God who used His words to speak life into existence from the beginning, jam-packed the New Testament with countless prescriptive commands of what it looks like to be in life-giving relationships with one another. And many of them require the use of our words…

For when we encourage one another, there is healing.¹²
When we forgive one another, there is healing.¹³
When we comfort one another, there is healing.¹⁴
When we bear one another’s burdens, there is healing.¹⁵
When we pray for one another, there is healing.¹⁶
When we confess sins to one another, there is healing.¹⁶
And when we teach and admonish one another, there is healing.¹⁷

Proverbs says, “A sweet friend refreshes the soul.”¹⁸ But in all seriousness, friendship is one of the greatest gifts and when we learn when to speak and when to listen, we have the ability to change the lives of the people around us for the better.

So what kind of friendships will your life be marked by? I encourage you to choose wisely for whoever influences your mind will ultimately influence your heart. And who knows, maybe like David, the most shaping relationships in your life will be the ones that you never saw coming.

Deepening questions:

• If you were to honestly take inventory of the most important friendships in your life, are your friends more similar to Job’s or David’s? Are you more similar to Job’s friends or David’s?
• What is one “one another” statement from above that you’d like to grow in?

Further reading:

Job, 1-27 Samuel 18-20, 23, 2 Samuel 1, Colossians 3:12-27

Footnotes:

¹ Job 1-3 ² Job 4-5 ³ Job 8 ⁴ Job 11 ⁵ John Ortberg, Soul Keeping: Caring For the Most Important Part of You ⁶ James 1:19 ⁷ 1 Samuel 18:1-4 ⁸ 1 Samuel 23:16 ⁹ 1 Samuel 20:42 ¹⁰ 1 Samuel 18:3 ¹¹  Proverbs 12:18 ¹²  1 Thessalonians 5:11; Hebrews 10:25 ¹³  Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13 ¹⁴  1 Thessalonians 4:18; 5:11 ¹⁵  Galatians 6:2 ¹⁶  James 5:16 ¹⁷  Colossians 3:16 ¹⁸  Proverbs 27:9 ¹⁹  Proverbs 27:9