Key Scripture:

“A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.” Ecclesiastes 3:5b

Devotional:

Growing up, did you have a friend who had a knack for revealing movie spoilers? Personally, there are few things more frustrating than when anticipation is replaced with disappointment because of the inability to experience the movie as it was intended. When watching a movie, we all know that the unfolding of the story has a time and place, but it should never be experienced before it’s intended.

A similar narrative is found in scripture. Over the course of his lifetime, Solomon wrote hundreds of songs, yet his favorite one was the Song of Songs.¹ This song in particular holds nothing back as it not only explains that God’s design for love, sex and marriage works, but it affirms that God’s way is better.

Throughout the song, the Beloved, the Shulammite Woman, warns the single crowd on three separate occasions to not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.² She knew that for everything there is a season, but not all activities fit in all seasons. 

Even though 3,000 years have passed since the Beloved’s warning to her people, the same truth is just as relevant today as it was on the streets of Jerusalem back then. So as your sis, can I too warn you to “not stir up or awaken love until it pleases?”

As people of a swipe-right culture, if we are honest with ourselves, most of us would be lying if we didn’t admit that some of the most innermost parts of us actually believe that external physicality is a prerequisite to attracting and keeping love.

Yet, when we buy that lie, we begin the slippery slope of entering into dating relationships looking for someone to tell us that we’re enough rather than to magnify the Lord together. Once that happens, before we know it, we’ve crossed first base, then second base and as we are rounding third and heading home, we begin rationalizing and saying things like, “But we love one another. We’re going to get married.” 

Friends, I want you to clearly hear me say this: no, you don’t. It’s a misunderstanding of love. Would you ever put someone else in a position that leads them to sin in front of a holy God if you loved them? No, because that’s not love. What you give up in those moments isn’t worth what you receive in return. 

Just like the Shulammite Woman, I’m pleading with you here, don’t settle for someone who is in love with your body, wait for the person who is in love with your soul. Wait for the kind of love that doesn’t demand you to prove your worth and sit in anxiety. Wait for a love that honors and respects you and allows you to be authentically you. Wait for a love that pursues you in a way that you don’t have to question its motives. It’s worth the wait to save yourself from the pain of a love that isn’t willing to walk down the aisle.

And for all my pals that say, “Oh, we’re just friends.” You are not. I’m sorry, but you’re not. By choosing to reveal your whole self to someone and allowing them to meet all sorts of emotional and spiritual needs, you are immaturely diving into intimacy with another person that comes with the expectation of commitment. And that’s a messy thing when one or both of you might not have any intention of committing. Let me tell you, that unmet expectation will leave your heart more fractured than you even know.

We were created with a desire for relationships, yet sometimes that desire is met in relationships that it should not be met in. As believers, we need to be mindful about whom, when and how we embrace. There is a time and a place, and we need to learn where and when that would be.

We have both a call and a responsibility to love our brothers and sisters as ourselves. So, if the heart is deceitful above all things,³ why are we oftentimes so reckless with other people’s hearts? That said, when it comes to dating, I’ll leave you with this: Are you honoring the person that you are dating in such a way that on their wedding day, you can shake their future spouse’s hand and say, “I protected their purity, and I guarded their heart?”

Until then, do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.²

Deepening questions:

• Are your dating relationships more about meeting your insecurities and needs or displaying the glory of God? 
• One of the best gifts we can bring to both the kingdom and our dating relationships is the healthiest version of ourselves. Are there any areas in your life (spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc.) that you need to become a healthier version of you?
• What rhythms or guardrails are required for you to live abundantly this season?

Further reading:

Proverbs 5, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, Ephesians 5:1-3, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

Footnotes:

¹ Song of Solomon 1:1 ² Song of Solomon 2:7; 3:5; 8:4 ³ Jeremiah 17:9