Key Scripture:
Ecclesiastes 3:7b A time to be silent and a time to speak.

“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:19-20). “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, by whoever restrains his lips is prudent” (Proverbs 10:19). “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent” (Proverbs 17:27-28).

Knowing when to speak and when to keep silent takes a great deal of wisdom and humility. Our pride tells us that we know what is best and we want to be heard. That we want to be first and loudest. That our opinion is the best option and the only one that makes sense. 

God teaches that we should be slow to speak. For me, this is not something that comes easily, especially in parenting.  But by being silent, we create space for reflection and understanding, allowing us to discern the needs and desires of our children more effectively. This may look like sitting in a tree stand deep in the woods, going out on your boat and enjoying the ocean, or walking on the beach, where you can be silent and connect with God, listening for direction for our kids. Sometimes this can mean just sitting quietly, listening to our kids talk to us without being so quick to offer solutions, corrections, or feedback.

We have also been made to be in community and to learn from others. If we are busy thinking about what we are going to say next in a conversation, we aren’t listening to what the other is saying. We tend to listen to respond instead of listen to understand. And therefore, we don’t really hear them. 

God has often spoken truth to me through my trusted friends and family. This takes me being honest about struggles we are having in our family and then truly listening to those God has placed around me, as they help discern what is best. 

At our church a few times a year, we have an Hour of Prayer. This is where the worship center is open, music is playing, and we are called to sit and be in prayer with our Heavenly Father every week for an hour.  I have found this time precious to close off the noise of the world and just be intentional to listen to the Lord. So often our prayer time is us talking to Him. When was the last time your prayer time consisted of listening to God’s voice instead of asking Him for something?

There is also a time to speak, we have the responsibility to inspire, affirm and motivate our kids. Our words hold great power, shaping their self-esteem, confidence and character. With thoughtful uplifting speech, we can nurture their potential, instill values, and empower them to face life’s challenges with resilience and a firm foundation in Christ.

One thing that I have learned to do over the years, is to pray first before having hard conversations with my kids and ask the Holy Spirit to speak through me. Taking the time to do this, changes everything. It changes, the tone I speak in, my body language and overall, the way what I am saying is received. There is a calm in our home when we are intentional about how we speak to one another. 

Questions for reflection:

• What moments were you able to see how your words shaped your kid’s potential or character?
• Next time you speak with your children, imagine that God is speaking through you. How would that sound? What would you expect to hear?