Devotional:

“A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.” — Proverbs 16:28

What lies within the heart of a chronic gossiper? Envy or malice? Maybe a little of both? Honestly, church gossip is the hardest to define. People think that because they are sharing “prayer requests” that it’s ok to continue to spread the news, so to speak.

“I heard Suzie was having marriage problems. Then my husband saw her husband at lunch with a really pretty younger woman. And then Tina saw them at the beach together. We should really pray for them.” 

Sound familiar? Now, I’m not encouraging you to be the gossip police either. Because that’s even worse.

“Hey Brenda, I just think you should know that Mary told her bible study group that Suzie and Jimmy were having marriage problems. I told her that we shouldn’t be gossiping about that, and we should just pray for them. I mean, who knows who that lady was at lunch with Jimmy. Or at the beach with him! But it’s none of our business and I let them know that. It’s just sad and I don’t want that to get around church. Cause that might hurt their feelings.”

Not better! And I’m so guilty of all of it! And if you are reading this and say you’re not? You are a liar and that’s for another devo titled “Liar Liar Pants on Fire”.

Gossip is a sin with very blurry lines. We think we are helping most of the time. But we don’t think about the repercussions. And, because of our human nature, we delight in talking about other people with no thought of the damage that it causes the one we are slandering. Gossip even makes us feel good sometimes. We can escape our own messed up lives and talk about other people’s problems for a momentary feeling of “dang, thank God that’s not me”.

“The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.” — Proverbs 18:8

What happens when you start eating “delicious morsels”? It’s hard to stop, right? I know as soon as I take one bite of Dot’s Homestyle Pretzels, Honey Mustard flavor, it’s over. The bag is gone in 5 seconds. I mean, their motto is “The snack you didn’t know you needed”. And it is 1000% true! I can’t stop; therefore, I just don’t buy them anymore. That is how I refrain from the snack I didn’t know I needed.

Gossip is the same. Once you start, it’s hard to stop. It becomes a bad habit, just like we read about in yesterday’s devotional. So, how do you stop gossiping or stop it from happening around you?  Here are four things to think about before you decide to gossip or participate in the next gossip session with your “prayer partners”.

“All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” —  James 3:7-10

Gossip causes pain and destruction.

Our careless gossip can cause serious damage in people’s families, jobs, and relationships. Even physical pain and harm can come from gossip because of the engineered lies that create anger, anxiety, and fear around us. And then, somehow, after spewing the words that cause such destruction, we can turn right around and praise God with arms open wide seemingly in complete surrender. And I mean quite literally!

Have you ever stood in the lobby, or turned around in your seat before church started and shared “prayer requests” with your friends? And then stood up when the clock hit zero and the lights went out, immediately raising your hands in worship. James 3:10 says This should not be. How authentic will people see you if James 3:9 is your reality because you are praising your father and with the same tongue, gossiping about others?

“Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.” — James 1:26

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” — Philippians 2:3-4

Gossipers never have good intentions.

We create an argument within ourselves when we gossip: “It’s not gossip, I’m just concerned,” or, “Well, people need to know so that they can be praying for them.” But what is the real reason? Pride of life and lust of the flesh.

We got the information first, we feel powerful with it and want everyone to know it. Somehow it makes us feel superior to everyone around us in that moment. It gives us a very twisted sense of power over the people around us. But really, it reveals more about you than the information you possess.

“The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick; who can understand it.” — Jeremiah 17:9

Gossiping reveals more about you than the one you are slandering.

Have you ever been around someone gossiping and thought, “I wonder what they say about me when I’m not in the room?” It doesn’t exactly make you want to gravitate toward them. I prefer to keep my distance, making sure I reveal very little about my life. I value trust and confidence. When I lose that, I have a hard time ever trusting that person again.

“Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.” — 1 Corinthians 12:7

Gossip reveals a heart issue. 

Our hearts lead us astray. Isn’t that how we got in this mess in the first place? Adam and Eve did not listen to God when He was literally there with them in the garden, visible and audible. When we choose to listen to our hearts, we suppress the Holy Spirit, holding Him down just enough to keep the temporary things of this world higher on our priority list. We ignore one of God’s greatest gifts to us and continue to serve and obey a deceitful heart.

Ask yourself these questions before you speak:

1. Is this my business?
2. Did I go to them first?
3. Do I have permission to share this with anyone?
4. Am I honoring God?
5. Am I honoring the person I am talking about?
6. Could I cause pain or serious complications in this person’s life?
7. What’s in it for me?

Gossip isn’t always false information. Most of the time there is truth in it. But is it honoring God’s truth? And does that mean knowing this information is somehow permission to “pray” about it with others?

Despite what Oprah and the rest of the world says about “your truth”, all truth is God’s truth. There is no other truth, and the truth is, the information you so want to share with others doesn’t belong to you. When the Spirit of Truth guides us, we can be confident that the words we speak will bring God all the glory.

There are some ways we can redirect this inner desire of habitual gossip we have.

• Pray to God first about what you have learned. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and not your wretched black heart.
• Sit down one on one with the person and if you are in a place of true selflessness and compassion, ask them what you could do to help them.
• Without names, seek wise counsel if you feel that it is a situation that could possibly be dangerous.
• Get off social media. If you struggle with gossip, social media is a tool that you could be using to feed that struggle.

And, if all that fails to squelch your need to gossip, just remember this:

“I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” — Matthew 12:36-37

Lord, I admit that this can be a struggle for me. Gossip can be addicting and half of the time I don’t even realize it. Help me to see the sin before it begins. Help me to discern what is honoring to You and not harmful to others. Lord, when I receive information about others, help me to do what it takes to honor You and honor and protect the ones that could potentially be hurt by this. We are all sinners with so much junk in our lives. I thank you for seeing past all of the things that could be gossip material in my life. Help me as a Christian, to see past all the junk in others’ lives as well. Amen